You have quite the god-complex.
You trust no one, for surely your way is the only way. You presuppose your own intellectual superiority, for surely no one can overpower you argumentatively. You assert theological systems in utter-dogmatism, for surely you know the heart of God more intimately than any other.
And yet, the God in which you seek to know through suffocating definitions is the same God you steal from every day, every moment. You say, God is sovereign? Well of course he is. This and that text would have it no other way. But perhaps his omnipotence will not suffice for today.
You thus groundlessly promote yourself to operating as your own teacher, your own father, your own god— and the god of all those around you.
But fight for a moment to see that your selfish independence is not a newly devised personal plan; man has sought to be god since time began. Adam wanted all knowledge as you do. Nebuchadnezzar wanted all worship as you do. Lucifer wants the final say in history’s ultimatum, just as you do. Thus an authoritative superiority cannot be what fuels these immortal aspirations— it is foolishness that leads you to assume dominance. Time and time again, man has sought the throne of God and fallen shamefully short at every attempt. You will prove this law true anew if you do not submit your limited cognition to the God who knows you better than you know you.
See, you are not god. Jesus alone is God. He will not allow rivalry to his throne. He is in no way, of course, threatened by you, foolish child. But he is jealous for the world’s affections; yours included. And isn’t that really the root of it all? Desiring someone to receive your affection? Someone to affirm your striving?
Listen now to the words of the Father: My son, you are my son. While weak and frail, endlessly younger in years and maturation than I, you have been chosen to dine at the eternal table. You are welcomed and loved apart from any strength of your own— the strengths I gave. There was a time not too long ago when your sensational perceptions had no manifestation. Yet I knew you in this time. There is a time soon coming when your physical extremities will again find no grasp on the things of this present reality. Yet if you seek to kill your mortality through humble submission to me, the only God, you will know my glory. The extravagance of my mighty power will banish any arrogant striving. Come to me, little one.
You have worked hard. You have fought for survival. You have endured emotional torment. But all is grace. All that you have would not be yours apart from the Gracious Jesus. Give to him your fear of tomorrow. He is far more trustworthy than you believe yourself to be.
He can be trusted with the comforting of your heart. He can be trusted with the healing of your physical maladies. He can be trusted with the sanctification of your family. He can be trusted to lead the lost to repentance. He can be trusted to ease the violence of existential crises. He can be trusted in your wonderings of eternity. He can be trusted to satisfy the restlessness of your affections. He can be trusted in all your anxieties.
In the desire of rest,
For more on the spiritual discipline of preaching to yourself, check out Joe Thorn’s Note To Self.